Indigo Girls: Language or the Kiss Meaning

Language or the Kiss Lyrics

I don't know if it was real or in a dream lately waking up i'm not sure where i've been there was a table set for six and five were there i stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair and there was steam on the windows from the kitchen...

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   #1 top rated interpretation:
   anonymous

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   Sep 24th 2006 !⃝

   This song is about a person choosing to follow her dream but giving up being with the person she loves (in this case, it's a musician choosing the life of music/touring/fame over her chance for love, but the song could be interpreted more generally about giving up love to follow a dream).
   
   The first verse describes the moment she made her decision: she was supposed to meet her love at a restaurant, but she stood outside and looked at the empty chair and chose not to go inside: "I choose most of your life goes on without me." she feels torn by this difficult decision and fears that she might "reap the praise of strangers and end up on [her] own." in other words, she will receive the glory of being a musician/singer, but what if she ends up alone in the end? "all I've sown was a song, maybe I was wrong." the tension between these two choices and whether she made the right decision is what drives the beauty and tender sadness of the lyrics.
   
   The second verse is about how she wishes for certainty in her life and wants to know how things will unfold, but that is the one thing she cannot have. This verse is also her memories of the person she left behind to follow her dream. She recalls being with the person and talking. She also recalls being alone and how she can figure things out better that way: "I used to lie like that alone out on the driveway. I was trying to read the greek upon the stars, the alphabet of feeling." she felt a calling in that moment to be a musician/songwriter and to follow her dream. This calling said, "if joy, then pain." she realizes it probably will not be possible to stay with her lover and have access to the reservoirs of feeling and language she has when she is alone. Years later, she feels the exact same calling: "the sound of the voice these years later is still the same."
   
   fittingly, the final verse begins with "I am alone." she is alone in a hotel room. She is trying to write a song. She is "working through the grammar of her fears." writing songs is her "study." she writes songs best and has a bigger reservoir of feeling and language when she is alone. But this is what hurts the most: "mercy, what I won't give to have the things that mean the most not to mean the things I miss." she loves her former life and especially the love she left behind, but she realizes she can write about these things best from afar. Her choice remains the same after all these years: the language or the kiss. She chose the language, which symbolizes her role as a musician/songwriter and her ability to bring depth of emotion and clarity of thought and feeling to her fans and listeners. She left behind the kiss, which symbolizes what she could have had in a lover, intimacy and closeness with a partner but she would have had to give up the language. She remains torn about the decision, but she can never go back and she will always have to live with that decision.

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   #2 top rated interpretation:
   anonymous

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   Sep 1st 2007 !⃝

   I don't think this is a love song, nor is it about a person who she was in love with. The song is her lamentation on the existential life she lives. I think it is inspired by her father, who was a minister and raised her to be religious. As an existentialist, she has thrown away all the comfort she had as a child. The first verse is not about a meeting with a lover, but rather a depiction of the simple, safe family life that she could have lived in. She cannot, however, live life wearing such a blindfold, so she leaves the comfort of religion to find meaning in life.
   
   The sceond verse is her father's voice, trying to convince her that leaving the small family at the table will only give her pain... There is nothing out there that can fulfill her. She then makes it clear that she has no choice in the matter, it has been written into her life that she will have to search for her own questions
   
   The final verse is the cinch-pin of the song. Her life of thought and reflection has left her alone and even though she has spent ages in self-inspection, she is still only beginning. The last lines, in my opinion, make it clear that her struggle is internal:
   
   'To have the things that mean the most not to mean the things I miss': The whole point of existentialism is to figure out through your own soul the meaning of right and wrong. She wants to make sure she gets the most important parts right, but this is so hard to do that she would give anything to just find which way is up.
   
   'Unforgiving': My favorite word of the song (just listen to how they say it) makes so clear the finality, the enormity, the fear of such a huge decision; the choice is the most important choice in life and there is no borderline between the black and white, no going back
   
   'The language or the kiss': At last! The meaning of the song! Do you choose to follow what has been before you, or do you follow your own heart
   
   I find this song abhorantly depressing because Emily Sailiers has clearly spent more time in interspection than I have, and she still sees no end to it all
3. anonymous

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   Jun 13th 2023 !⃝

   I think this song is a coming of age story from the perspective of a young lesbian coming to terms with her sexuality. She is in love with a childhood friend, who offers deep connection but is unable to reciprocate the romantic feelings due to her heterosexuality. The speaker agonizes over the deep connection she has with her friend but recognizes this relationship will never go beyond meaningful conversation.
4. anonymous

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   Jul 15th 2022 !⃝

   We all struggle with survival mode, fight vs flight. Many of us do not do the hard work to go from survival mode to a healing journey. Those people are stuck and they are likely to fall in love but end up breaking up relatively soon after. They take solace in repeating the same mistakes, deciding that they are “writers” who can write about it better once the exit door has been utilized. They probably had unhappy childhoods and are experiencing continuous trauma they never learn to manage/adapt to/mitigate. How do I know this? Cuz that was me. It took me years to find that healing journey and now I have found a soulmate who is better suited to me, and our relationship is a healthy one. Doing the work paid off, and I now see vividly how one of my previous partners was as survival mode as I was. I am rooting for that former partner. But am now rooting for me and my soulmate as well. Finding your spine is a transformative experience!
   
5. anonymous

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   Jun 7th 2012 !⃝

   I have loved these girls for almost 20 years. Partly because their lyrics and music is so personal and beautiful and party because even though the lyrics are very intimate- they are malleable to each listeners interpretation.
   I definitely think this is about growing up, making hard decisions when maybe your family, though they love you, aren't healthy for you. Leaving behind all the familiarity and safety. Feeling alone. Maybe they were right. Missing being there but knowing you won't be understood or accepted if you were there.
   It's bittersweet. It's lovely. It's poignant. Our choices are never 100% guaranteed. And reflection and remorse is a part of life.
6. anonymous

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   Mar 7th 2008 !⃝

   This song has impacted me on a personal level.
   
   I like to think of this song as by someone who wishes not to be a part of a bigoted family. I myself have written in my journal from a hotel room, about not feeling welcome to sleep under the same roof. Earlier in life, I was in a heterosexual marriage, reaping the praise of the "strangers" that came to the wedding. I am now openly gay, and my family isn't accepting my 7 year relationship with my partner as a marriage.
   
   The debate on the language or word "Marriage" rages on in America. But what is more important? People like James Dobson and George Bush letting gays and lesbians have the language of "marriage?" Unforgiving, my choice is the kiss. But having the language would be nice...
   
   While I don't think this is exactly what Emily had in mind, this song sure has helped me process my own situation, and that is the beauty of poetry.

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