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Songs with Sexual Euphemisms

What's the name of your tiddy-wink? What do you call your tally-whacker? And what do you call it when your fiddle-dee-dee diddles someone's daisy? For some reason, we need volumes of silly words to mean the act of Doing It, and all the biological equipment pertaining thereto. Can't we just call everything what it is and be done with it? No, because, see, there's people who get offended when you talk about it, as if they didn't have a tally-whacker of their own. Then we have to make up new secret names for everything, but then the code words get out and the offended people get offended at that, too.

So we end up with oodles and oodles of silly words that mean one word, and we keep making up new ones all the time. How's that for irony? These songs pay some kind of tribute to this phenomenon, whether by making sly references to one thing while pretending to talk about something else, or by just snowing you with their vocabulary while leaving no doubt what they're talking about. Which is making meadow mulch.

• 
  Afternoon Delight Starland Vocal Band

  "Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
  looking forward to a little afternoon delight.
  Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
  and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting."

• 
  Birthday Katy Perry
• 
  Black Hole Sun Soundgarden
• 
  Candy Shop 50 Cent

  "I take you to the candy shop
  I'll let you lick the lollypop
  Go 'head girl, don't you stop
  Keep goin 'til you hit the spot (whoa)"

• 
  Cherry Pie Warrant

  "Swingin' in the bathroom, swingin' on the floor
  Swingin' so hard, forgot to lock the door
  In walk her daddy, standin' six foot four
  Said: You ain't gonna swing with my daughter no more
  She's my cherry pie"

• 
  Firework Katy Perry

  "Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
  So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
  Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
  And when it's time, you'll know
  You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
  Just own the night like the 4th of July"

• 
  Genie in a Bottle Christina Aguilera
• 
  Good Kisser Usher

  "I done been around the world, I done kissed a lot of girls
  So I'm guessin' that it's true
  Make me holla and I bet a million dollars
  Don't nobody kiss it like you"

• 
  Grillz Nelly

  "On da top in da bottom
  Gotta bill in my mouth like im Hillary Rodham"

• 
  Hallelujah Leonard Cohen
• 
  Hallelujah Jeff Buckley
• 
  Ignition R Kelly
• 
  Like a Prayer Madonna

  "When you call my name it’s like a little prayer
  I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there
  In the midnight hour I can feel your power
  Just like a prayer you know I’ll take you there"

• 
  Little Red Corvette Prince

  "I guess I shoulda closed my eyes
  When you drove me to the place
  where your horses run free
  'Cuz I felt a little ill
  When I saw all the pictures
  Of the jockeys that were there before me"

• 
  London Bridge Fergie

  "How come everytime you come around,
  My London, London bridge, wanna go down like,
  London, London, London, wanna go down like,
  London, London, London, we goin’ down like"

• 
  Milkshake Kelis

  "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
  And they're like
  It's better than yours,"

• 
  Mud on the Tires Brad Paisley

  "There's a place I know about where the dirt road runs out
  And we can try out the four-wheel drive
  Come on now what do you say
  Girl, I can hardly wait to get a little mud on the tires"

• 
  Peaches Presidents of the United States of America

  "Squished a rotten peach in my fist
  And dreamed about you, woman,
  I poked my finger down inside
  Make a little room for an ant to hide
  Nature's candy in my hand or can or a pie"

• 
  Pearl necklace ZZ Top

  "She was gettin' bombed,
  And I was gettin' blown away,
  And she held it in her hand
  And this is what she had to say:
  A pearl necklace.
  She wanna pearl necklace.
  She wanna pearl necklace."

• 
  Raspberry Swirl Tori Amos

  "If you want inside her
  Well,
  Boy you better make her raspberry swirl"

• 
  Ring My Bell Anita Ward

  "Well lay back and relax while I put away the dishes
  (Put away the dishes)
  Then you and me can rock a bell
  You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell"

• 
  River Bishop Briggs
• 
  Roc the Boat Aaliyah
• 
  Say It Right Nelly Furtado
• 
  She Cranks My Tractor Dustin Lynch

  "I go fast, she hollers faster,
  She's the first one up the hayloft ladder
  A girl like that's what a country boy's after
  She cranks, she cranks, she cranks my tractor
  She cranks, she cranks, she cranks my tractor"

• 
  Sledgehammer Peter Gabriel

  "You could have a big dipper
  Going up and down, all around the bends
  You could have a bumper car, bumping
  This amusement never ends
  I want to be your sledgehammer
  why don't you call my name"

• 
  Summer of '69 Bryan Adams

  "Oh and when you held my hand
  I knew that it was now or never
  Those were the best days of my life
  Back in Summer of '69
  Man we were killin' time
  We were young and restless
  We needed to unwind"

• 
  Sweater Weather Neighbourhood, The
• 
  The Bad Touch Bloodhound Gang

  "Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
  Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
  So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
  Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up"

• 
  The Joker Steve Miller Band
• 
  Things I'll Never Say Avril Lavigne
• 
  Timber Pitbull

  "The bigger they are, the harder they fall
  This biggity boy's a diggity dog
  I have 'em like Miley Cyrus, clothes off
  Twerking in their bras and thongs, timber
  Face down, booty up, timber"

• 
  Too Close Next
• 
  Turning Japanese Vapors, The

  "I've got your picture, I've got your picture
  I'd like a million of you all round my cell
  I want a doctor to take your picture
  So I can look at you from inside as well
  You've got me turning up and turning down
  And turning in and turning 'round
  I'm turning Japanese
  I think I'm turning Japanese
  I really think so"

• 
  Tutti-Frutti Little Richard

  "Got a gal named Sue, she knows just what to do
  She rock to the east, she rocks to the west
  But she's the gal that I know best"

• 
  Two Become One Spice Girls, The

  "Free your mind of doubt and danger
  Be for real don't be a stranger
  We can achieve it, we can achieve it
  Come a little bit closer baby, get it on, get it on
  'Cause tonight is the night when two become one"

• 
  Under Pressure Queen
• 
  Whistle Flo Rida

  "Go girl you can work it
  Let me see your whistle while you work it
  I'mma lay it back, don't stop it
  Cause I love it how you drop it, drop it, drop it, on me
  Now, shorty let that whistle blow"

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