My Morning Jacket: Off the Record Meaning
Off the Record Lyrics
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The Right Place - Monsters Of Folk - (not Off The Record)
Do you like where you’re living?
Do you like what you do?
Do you like what you’re seeing . . .
When you’re lookin’ at you?
Do you like what you’re saying . . .
When you open your face?
Do you got the right feeling?
Are you in the right place?
Stealin’ a tusk from an elephant must make one feel creepy inside.
And although you’ll boast around the fire at night . . .
That ghost will kick up a fight.
“Be gone? Be gone?”, you scream . . .
You’re just some elephant dream . . .
I needed you like you needed me . . .
People, they need piano keys. (not sure about that one..?)
If you like where you’re living . . .
If you like what you do . . .
If you like what you’re seeing . . .
When you’re lookin’ at you . . .
If you like what you’re saying . . .
When you open your face . . .
Then you got the right feeling.
You’re in the right place.
“Is this right? Is this right?”
C’mon God answer tonite!
Is there some fee that you’ll charge me . . .
For doin’ what you thought I might?
Once you’ve thought long and hard about it . . .
Tell me if heads will roll
Once you’ve thought long and hard about it . . .
Tell me cuz I need to know . . .
Cause I like where I’m livin’ . . .
And I like what I do . . .
And I like what I’m seein’ . . .
When I’m lookin’ at you . .
I still like what I’m saying . . .
When I open my face.
I think I got the right feeling.
I think I’m in the right place.
I think I got the right feeling.
I think I’m in the right place.
This song reminds me of my experience at Hazelden. At the time, I didn't exactly feel like I was in "The Right Place", but eventually I learned that all things happen for a reason. This epiphany occurred to me once I opened my face...
The counselors in treatment would attempt at getting to know us/the patients, and after about a week they would bestow an "affirmation" upon us. An affirmation was a phrase that was supposed to let the group know a few strengths and (for some reason) one weakness of the addict/speaker. The affirmation contained a few traits we/the addict could be proud of and one thing we needed to work on. "Hi I am Sara and I am an addict. I am honest and authentic and I will share my pain with others." This meant the counselors thought I was honest and authentic but I was shitty at sharing my feelings. Next one, "Hi I am Sara and I am an addict. I am a strong, courageous woman and I welcome your feedback." This meant they thought I was strong and courageous but that I needed others to tell me what is wrong with me throughout my day.
I decided to get creative with my affirmations in order to spice things up. "Hi I am Sara and I am an addict. My pain is my power and I promise to mock you to your face." Next one, "Hi my name is Sara and I am an addict. I am courteous & obsequious and I will share my vagina with dwarfs." I tried to make treatment fun but when I did I got into trouble. My counselor Betsy told me, "You use humour as a defense mechanism. No more humour for you." She imposed a moratorium on joking and fun for me. Not only was I stuck in treatment for months, I wasn't allowed to find the lighter side in any of it. A friend and I were discussing my punitive "grounding" over lunch in the cafeteria one day and she said, "Look at the bright side.. It is just no humour during business hours. The counselors go home at 5:00." She was right. I could hope to have some fun in the evening hours when we were usually all too exhausted from our daily doses of abuse.
There was a woman named "Jane" in Lilly who was extremely shy and quiet. She had an very difficult time opening up to people, and was especially stricken in our group settings. One day with fear and trepidation, she opened up during a group session. She was nervous and weepy. The rest of us inmates were feeling her pain. She offered quietly, "You know, I drank in order to feel less inhibited around people and I thought it made me seem more interesting and unique." The counselor took no time in contemplating her response, "Well... JANE.. You know what it sounds like to ME? That you were a verrryy boring sober person." I stifled a guffaw at that response and immediately was darted a reprimanding glare. It was torture. This was the kind of love we all received on a daily basis from the counselors. No humour, complete and utter humiliation and degradation.
Here is a typical exchange in our group therapy sessions..
We'd go around the circle and introduce ourselves each and every time we had group which was around 5 times a day. We had to say, "Hi I'm Sara and I'm an addict." And then, at least one time each day, add in our affirmation, "I am a brave and mighty person who is fighting delusions of grandeur." Then we were supposed to say how we were feeling. It went like this....
"I am feeling low about being in treatment over the holidays." Boom. Red Flag. Saying something sad without crying was a federal offense. The counselor would say, "Sara, you are sooo detached from your feelings. It is very troubling." And then another counselor would chime in, "SARA. WE ALL THINK YOU ARE DETACHED." It was perfectly fine for them to band together in order to take the patients down. Yet whenever any of us inmates would use the word "we" as in, "We were all talking last night -" the counselor would immediately interrupt and yell, "How many times do we have to tell you? YOU MUST SPEAK IN I STATEMENTS!" And then if I wore a tiny surprised look -because of the counselor's outburst- the counselor would say something like,
C: "What is going ON with you today, Sara? We ALL can see it. It is written all of your face. S-H-A-M-E. Talk about it RIGHT NOW. Reallyyy dig DEEP." ... I didn't think it would be prudent for me to answer, "Frankly, I feel shame for you because you are such a wretched person." Instead I said,
S: "Well, I don't exactly feel shame today, I mean, I think I feel more sadness than shame today."
C: "OH SARA. YOU ARE IN SEVERE DENIAL. WE CAN ALL SEE THAT SOOO OBVIOUSLY."
S: "Well, okay.. I didn't know that. Alright. How can I deny being in denial? It isn't wise probably. So.. I just think that sometimes being in treatment is difficult-"
C: "DON'T GET SMART AND STOP INTELLECTUALIZING! How do you FEEEL?"
S: "Oh. Sorry. Okay. Today I feel sad - and of course shame - because I miss my kids."
Basically, no matter how we spoke, the counselors found a reason to hate what we were saying. Sometimes I'd just have to make up why I felt the feeling they WANTED me to feel. "Yes of course. I feel incredibly shameful today just like a heinous whore. Yes, it hurts deeply." This is when I adapted to their philosophy, "Other people are the best judge of how I am feeling", even though I'd answered that question as false on the MMPI. Other times, if I felt happy (which wasn't very often in Lilly) I sure as hell couldn't say it. If I had said, "I feel quite happy today", they would have ripped me into smithereens. The counselors believed there should be no reason for anyone to be happy in Lilly ever. They wanted us all to believe that we were just moments away from our death due to our addictions. Sadly, some women were, so I understood why they had to treat us all the same. But I generally felt my being at Lilly was a little extreme, which I learned OBVIOUSLY shows you how much of a brutal addict I am, due to my severe denial.
Yes indeed, for some unknown reason, I was in the right place. I love Jim James and this song. It makes me feel happy. Thanks for letting me over-share.
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